Take it from someone who suffered from depression without a cause - mild enough to not warrant therapy but severe enough to make her miserable. The fall through the cracks type that no one understands but still affects you daily.
I always knew the sadness I was feeling was circumstantial - I'd never had it growing up - but I didn't know what circumstances they were.
So, for all of you who are sad and depressed and for whom there is no explanation, here are ten ways to help make you happy again that, again, in my limited experience, have worked.
Or, if this isn't at all applicable to you, consider it advice to my past self.
(1). The moment you define yourself by your relationship to someone, be it significant other, friend, or relative, it will destroy you. Your self esteem, and every thought will become toxically obsessed with them, and worse, what they think of you. Never make someone or something your world. You are the only thing that it worth making your world. To be happy, if you must have a label, give yourself a label of something you have a great deal of passion for, provided it gives you joy and not pressure. Instead of Girlfriend, try Writer. It will suit you better.
(2.) Get rid of what isn't serving you -- you know, that nagging part in your head that says, "why I am still doing this/why do I still have this?" This means poor "friends" whom, after hanging out with them, you feel "bleh" or sick or angry -- anyone who doesn't make you feel ecstatic about yourself, old clothes that make you feel gross, or a job that you secretly hate. Don't lie to yourself. And don't hang onto the toxic people.
(3) Instead, find people who support you unconditionally, the friend who loves all of your artwork, thinks everything you wear is cute, and thinks you're the best thing since sliced bread and will always text you back at 11 at night, assuming they're awake and don't have a final the next morning. These people will support you and make you feel loved, which will allow your self esteem and joy go up.
(4) Stop feeling guilty. Either fix the problem, if you can, about what you're feeling guilty about, or let it go. It's not worth it.
(5) Similarly, stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Fuck the to do lists. In my mind, I compartmentalize things now in 4 categories: Wants, Needs, Ought tos, and shoulds. If it's not in the first two categories, fuck it. You're not doing what makes you happy.
(6) Cut back on technology, especially news and social media. You don't know how miserable they're making you until you take a step back. A little is fine, but it's all too easy to fall into the trap of comparison and addiction, which means you're going to spend your day doing nothing, watching others doing something. This is not going to make you feel better.
(7) Find a way to have a better relationship with money. Try to be balanced. Look at budgets, look at second jobs or freelance if you're always broke. Figure out your money goals. Be aware of where you're spending and if it's on the things you truly want. Set a budget for yourself, if you can, for just fun things. I set aside $20 a month, for whatever I want. I find that as a result, I splurge way less, and I know that I do get to buy the things I want with it.
(8) Dance. Or if you're not a dancer, listen to music that makes you feel good, or do both. It's important to take breaks sometime.
(9) Follow your intuition and try and remember the things that give you joy. Set 2 minutes aside every day to do one of those things. You'll be surprised by how if your love of one thing will spark, everything else will follow.
(10) Lastly, remember, you are stronger than you think, smarter and more talented. And you will get through this. There are a lot of people who think the world of you. Or if you don't feel like there are, then give that love to yourself. Put your own needs first -- not in a damn others way, but in a, here's what I need to be happy and thrive way. You'd be surprised by what happens.
Hope this has been helpful.
My best always,
~ Emery
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